Sorry But Not Sorry *uncensored*

When did we start believing that it is okay to hate ourselves? When did hurting instead of healing become acceptable? I struggled for a few minutes about whether I should write this. I have a voice.  I can either use it as I see fit or remain silent. Even, if only heard by one I choose to be heard. For days I've thought of things that concern me about my culture. I’m sure that other cultures have similar issues. However, my culture is what I am aware of and it is the state of my culture that concerns me. Our ancestors came from different tribes, different social and economic standings. However, at the end of the day many were captured, stolen, sold and became slaves.  I have watched women go from the days of Queen Latifah, “Who You Calling a Bitch?” Unacceptable. To the days of Tupac “Wonder Why They Call You Bitch?” Acceptable and this is why.  To the current days when being called a bitch is viewed by some as a badge of honor. My, my, my and if you put bad in front, it really is supposed to mean something. Glorified self-hatred. I’ve heard my sisters proclaim, “There’s no way I would have let a master or field hand rape me.” These days some of us will lay with anyone to fill a void, for money or to satisfy a temporary materialistic want. Sacrificial. Queen, no amount of money is equivalent to your worth. I have witnessed men stating that they couldn’t have lived during slavery days because they could not have taken the beatings, watched as someone beat or raped their mother, woman or daughter. Especially not someone separating their families or calling them a nigger. Fast forward to present day I see young princes and kings beating and killing one another. Breaking up their homes, spreading their seeds wherever and with whomever. Beating, raping, trafficking and murdering the very females that they vowed they would have died for. The most hurtful thing is the fact that some gladly answer to that same "N" word without hesitation. King, no amount of credibility is worth hindering your purpose or destroying your existence. It breaks my heart. What breaks my heart even more is that little change or progression is being made. When did we start thinking that it was acceptable to no longer help a fellow sister or brother?  When did it become popular to not positively support, encourage or strengthen one another? Again, I reference the days of slavery -different tribes, different languages, different beliefs still there were many that aided when and however it was needed. Our melanin connected us. Our strength bound us. We were all we knew because those similarities were all that we had. Trust given as a result of genetics. Moral code. It’s sad. Really sad or as my mother-in-law would say, “Very poor.”  Something so simple as asking someone which natural hair product they use, or where they got a item from can lead to a guessing game in which the end result is, “Oh, I got it online.” When did harboring information become helpful to anyone? Thank God for valuable resources and Google. Imagine if Harriet Tubman did that? How many people would have escaped to freedom? To each his/her own. At the end of the day WE are all captured, WE are for sell, WE are all still slaves. Maybe not to someone but to something even if it is just a  mentality.