Let Them Be Needed

Yes, needed not needy; which is what I never wanted to be because at one time I was so… I’m grown, a mother of 3, a wife, I have a home, I have a car, I’m a student and I work full time. I get off from work, I go home- sometimes I cook after work. I helped the children with their homework. Then once they were in bed I studied. I would wake up and do it all again but first coffee. Not today…

I was on a call; my left side went numb, my right was tingling. Confusion. I couldn’t understand what the female voice on the other side of the line wanted. I struggled to put in an override. I felt clammy. I asked her to resubmit the claim. I had to finish this call. I couldn’t hear if she said that I went through or not, my heart was racing. The thunderous rhythm out sounded her thank you and good bye. I felt faint. I used my last bit of energy to text my co-worker friend, Joyce… “come to my desk now.” I placed my desk phone in after call. She came around the cubicle, her face was blank. She said I’m going to go get Mike. Mike was our supervisor… He came quickly and asked if I wanted him to call 911. My expression said it all. Are you serious?  

I was so… I’m grown, a mother of 3, a wife, I have a home, I have a car, I’m a student and I work full time. I get off from work, I go home- sometimes I cook after work. I helped the children with their homework. Then once they were in bed I studied. I would wake up and do it all again but first coffee. I came to work. I made it through that call.  I said, "I’ll drive myself," knowing that I still had no feeling in my left side but I was willing to give it a try. The hospital wasn’t that far. Joyce spoke up, "No, I’ll take you." We arrived at the emergency room, I was rushed back because of my symptoms. I gave Joyce my debit card and other important info just in case. I told her do not call my mother… if I die, she would lose it. Do not call my brother. Do not call Tommie, my husband. I’m here they will check me out. If I die, then call him.  

I was so… I’m grown, a mother of 3, a wife, I have a home, I have a car, I’m a student and I work full time. I get off from work, I go home- sometimes I cook after work. I helped the children with their homework. Then once they were in bed I studied. I would wake up and do it all again but first coffee. I went to work. I finished that call. I’m in the safest place now.  I knew it was serious when they placed an IV. Scans, blood work, MRI, EKG. Finally, a cardiologist peeked from behind the curtain. "Erica… I have your results. Your potassium is extremely low." Hypokalemia. "It’s a good thing that you got here when you did... another hour or less and you would have gone into sudden cardiac arrest." I’m not sure how many of you have heard those words before, another month, another week, another day, another hour, another 30 minutes – I wanted to cry but I couldn’t. I was too afraid. My heartrate was almost at a normal pace.

I received IV potassium. It burned my veins. I received oral potassium and was monitored. They wanted to monitor me over night. Not going to happen. I was so … I’m grown, a mother of 3, a wife, I have a home, I have a car, I’m a student and I work full time. I get off from work, I go home- sometimes I cook after work. I helped the children with their homework. Then once they were in bed I studied. I would wake up and do it all again but first coffee.  I went to work. I finished that call. I made it here. I’m in the safest place now. I’ve been diagnosed and treated. I am going home. I signed the necessary paperwork. Had a prescription called into my pharmacy and left.

In my mind, I really believed I would return to work the next day. I felt so tired, my muscles ached. I just wanted to sleep and I did. The next morning, I awoke. Move right leg. Move left leg. Move legs… nothing. Move hands, nothing. I felt slight tingling on right side. My brain kept telling my legs to move but they wouldn’t. I cried. At that moment, I had to ask for help. I could NOT move my legs! I could NOT move. Hypokalemic periodic paralysis. My husband had to carry me to the bathroom.

I sat there on the toilet for a long time… pins and needles prickling up my legs. The feeling was coming back. I wasn’t so… I’m grown, a mother of 3, a wife, I have a home, I have a car, I’m a student and I work full time. I get off from work, I go home- sometimes I cook after work. I helped the children with their homework. Then once they were in bed I studied. I would wake up and do it all again but first coffee. No. Yesterday, I went to work. I finished that call. I went the emergency room. I was in the safest place. I was diagnosed and treated. I could have died. Not today... Coffee was the culprit! To make sure I maintained my state of “being so” I was drinking about 6-8 cups a day and eating very little. All I wanted and needed was my husband and he was right there.