Big Fear

How can it be possible to fear the very thing that you wish to embrace? Believe me... it is very possible. My fear began in 9th grade, my freshman year. I had previously attended a small school in a little town named Pinetta. The teachers there were like extended family, everyone knew and was willing to help everyone else. The faces were familiar because they pretty much stayed the same from kindergarten to the 8th grade. Being a freshman was supposed to be exciting; it was supposed to mean a little more freedom. I was finally at a school that my mother didn’t work at but then the teachers at M.C.H.S knew her. Not to mention I had older brothers and cousins that were at the high school, there went the best freedom that I never had! On the first day I was escorted around school as were other fellow members of the freshman class.  Everything seemed to be going great… until the bell rang. The ringing of the bell,  the clanking of locker doors as they were shut, the laughter and shouts between acquainted students all created the perfect concoction of fear for me. I would try to avoid it any way possible -even by asking to go to the bathroom before one class ended. I'd take the pass,  gather my belongings and make my way to my next class just as the bell rang. Depending on the teacher, my plan worked many days. I don’t think they realized how much they had lessened my time of torture! In fact, I never got used to the "hall rush" during my entire high school journey. I do not like crowds and I  am sure that my disliking of malls stems from it. My husband was shocked when I wanted to attend outdoor concerts. Both graduations went well for me, the graduations (high school and basic training) of our oldest prince went well but those types crowds don’t bother me. You see everyone that is part of those types of crowds share a common purpose. How is it possible for me to fear the very thing that I wish to embrace -a multitude of people? Believe me… it is very possible.