Clarity

"Beyond the fog lies clarity". -Anonymous

 

Tears… driving to work this morning, listening to “Hey Mama” by Kanye West, I began to reflect. I thought about the lyrics… “Hey momma, I know I act a fool but I promise you I‘m going back to school.”  That very same lyric played in my head when my mom when I told my mom that I had enrolled into Keiser University and once again when I began grad school.

“Hey momma, I’m so proud of you”  took me back to my undergraduate and graduate graduation days when I hugged my oldest prince and he said, “I’m so proud of you.”  You see, I was a teenage mother. I had him 23 days after my 18^th birthday, on that day I vowed that my struggles would never be his struggle. His words were worth the struggles of late night studying and daily stresses and held more value that the degrees I obtained.

 “My mama told me go to school, get your doctorate. Something to fall back on, you could profit with, But still supported me when I did the opposite.” That verse hit me like a load of bricks, those words to me back to the day that my oldest told me he was going to enlist into the Army. It hurt like hell but I always told him and his brothers that no matter what decisions -decisions of growth that they made that I would always support them. I’d stand by their sides and continue to be their biggest cheerleader.

Suddenly it dawned on me how foggy it was and I begin to smile. The fog reminded me of Family Day, they day before Basic Training Graduation. They threw smoke bombs and all the soldiers ran out onto the field. When the smoke cleared, they stood… perfect form –at attention. My heart lept for them all! All I could think about was running to “tap-out” my soldier. “Tap-out" meaning find him on the field… they are not allowed to move until a family member/friend finds them. They joy I felt when I found him, “I wanna scream so loud for you, cause I'm so proud of you! "

The various journeys were difficult and at times I could see no way out but I made it through. My heart smiles at it all now! All it took was a foggy Tuesday morning and one of my favorite songs by Kanye to birth an epiphany.  This epiphany brought clarity in to a mucky well of emotions felt by an overly proud mom!